


I'll Always Need You

by Sarahmorgan87



Category: Kylo Ren - Fandom, Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Hes 32 shes 16, Kissing, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Reader-Insert, Rough Sex, Smut, Teasing, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, i'll add tags as i go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:14:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 23,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27434140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarahmorgan87/pseuds/Sarahmorgan87
Summary: The third and final book in the 'need' saga.Again picking up where we left off. You've just ended things with Kylo. Heartbroken you try to navigate the rest of the school year. Will you and Kylo find your way back to each other or are things better left in the past?
Relationships: Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. Trying Not To Cave

The second you hung up the phone you felt sick. You can't believe what you've done. What you had to do. You ended things with the man you love. For what?

How could this be the right thing?

It wasn't. 

But it was done 

You can't even cry. You're too overwhelmed to even shed a tear. No doubt that would come though. 

You feel like your world has ended. Whenever you saw a silly rom com and saw how upset people got over a breakup, you thought "it can't be that bad" 

But it was.  
It was so much worse.

You couldn't go home yet. You couldn't handle your mother asking you questions about why you weren't at school. There was no way you could go to class now. Even though his lesson had just ended you couldn't face the school day.

So you carried on walking. In no particular direction. Just anywhere but school and home. 

KYLO P.O.V

after she hung up he felt confused. The sadness of no longer having her hadn't hit yet. He could fix this. This wasn't going to be how it ended. 

He needed to talk to her. Find out why she was doing this. He rang her over and over again. She didnt answer.

Why was she doing this to him?  
Why?

All he kept thinking was why.

He played over the weekend in his head. Looking for a sign she wasn't happy. He came up blank. He was so frustrated. He felt helpless as he continued to call her. 

He wouldn't let this be the end. He needed to find her. Speak to her. Face to face. Find out what he did wrong. Do better. Get his angel back. 

The things she said made no sense. He couldn't stand this. He made a decision to leave school look for her and resolve this, but he had responsibilities there. 

No matter the reason, he would fix this. If she was having cold feet he could reassure her. 

He decided to text her...

"We need to talk about this"

YOUR P.O.V

you looked at your phone every time Kylo had rang you. You had to fight not to pick it up. Repeating to yourself that this is best for him. You're doing all of this for him. 

Now a text. He wanted to talk about it. 

You'll cave if you do. You know you will.

So you ignore it and continue walking. The hours passed and he hadn't rang you again since you ignored his message. You knew he had classes so that put your mind at ease that he was ok at school.

Casper had messaged you too. To say you'd done the right thing and if you wanted to hang out after school to take your mind off it to let him know.

Honeslty right now he's the last person you want to see. He ruined your happiness. 

You knew deep down this wasn't his fault. From his perspective he was protecting a friend, but what he was actually doing was keeping you from the love of your life.

That sounded so silly when you thought of it like that. It hasn't been long enough to fall in love. Had it? You didn't know how these things worked. All you knew was the idea of not being with Kylo made you not want to breathe.

Dramatic as that was.

You knew he didn't love you back. Why would he. He's perfect, and you're, well not. 

He must feel something for you though. To keep calling and trying to figure it out but he'd be fine in a day or two. He'd move on. Maybe Casper was right. Maybe he had done this with a student before. Perhaps he would again. 

Great now the nausea is back.

More time passed and you'd walked in circles it seemed. Only now realising how small this town was. You found a park and settled on one of the swings. 

Your missed him already. How the fuck are you meant to let him go?


	2. Don't Look Back

School finished. You looked at your phone as the minutes went by. Wondering if he would call you again.

KYLO P.O.V

he practically ran out of school. He couldn't handle another second of this. He hadn't called her again after the text. He wanted to give her a little space and time to see if she would change her mind. Let her think. Reconsider. Maybe she'd call him.

But the moment he left school he couldn't hold off anymore. He called. No answer.

He drives to her house. Knocks. No answer. No one seems to be home. No cars on the driveway. He looks up to her rooms window. No light is on. She doesn't seem to be there.

He knocks again. Nothing.  
He calls again. Nothing.

He'll wait here until she comes back. Keep calling. Perhaps he should take the hint but he can't. He can't believe for a second that this is truly over. It'll destroy him.

He calls again and this time her phone is off. 

YOUR P.O.V

his calls were continuous since school ended. His number lit up the screen and it took so much to not answer. You let it go to voicemail. He had left a few but you couldn't listen to them. Couldn't hear his voice. 

You thought about going home. Your mom and Paul would be at work by now. All you wanted was to curl up in bed and cry until you couldn't cry anymore.

But what if he'd went there to look for you. You couldn't risk seeing him. You didnt trust yourself. You didn't want to see his face if you had to tell him it was over in person. 

You'd avoid him for a few days until he's over it. It wouldn't take him long. You could ditch his class.

It began to rain as you gently swung back and forth on the swing. You'd have to go home soon. Deciding to take the long way back you got up and slowly walked. You were drenched already and freezing cold but you didn't care.

KYLO P.O.V

He'd stayed outside her house in his car like some kind of stalker. Waiting for her to come home. Looking up to her window incase she had actually been there. 

Then he saw Casper pull up. He got out and knocked the door. 

If she fucking answers the door to the boy he would kill him.

Why was he here? Did she leave him for the boy?

No answer. Atleast now he knows she wasnt there. Casper took out his phone presumably to call her. He was pacing up and down the path. He rolled down his window to try and hear what was being said, but couldn't make anything out. Had she answered to him or was he leaving a voice mail?

He couldn't do this anymore.

He decided to drive and look for her. He's bound to find her. The town is small after all.

After some time of driving in the rain he sees her. Holding her body from freezing. She looks so helpless. She slows down as she recognises his car. Her eyes widen and she looks afraid. 

He pulls up next to her as she comes to a stop.

"Get in the car Y/N" he says coming across a little more firm than intended. 

She shakes her head no but wont look at him.

"Its raining and you'll freeze out here. Let me take you home" he offers.

Again she shakes her head no. 

He gets out of the car and she looks away as he approaches her but he's quicker. He holds onto her arm and pulls her to the car. He can't let her do this. He opens the passenger side and she gets in. 

He gets to his side and sits. Closing his door. 

They sit in silence for what seems like ages.

"Why have you done this?" He asks looking at her as she looks down to her lap.

"Y/N" he says softly. 

But no answer.

Fuck. Did she forget how to speak? He could feel his temper rising. She was being so unreasonable. Not even speaking.

She just looked down. Fiddling with the hem of her skirt. Like she always did when she was nervous. 

"Answer me" he says in a stern voice.

She looks up.

"It's the right thing to do" she says weakly. 

What? No it isn't. 

He thinks about how to handle this. He wants to scream and force her to take him back. But he knows that's not the way. He doesn't want to force her to be with him. If she really believes being without him is the 'right' thing. Then he wouldn't make her. 

"You honestly believe we shouldn't be together?" He asks hoping she'll say no.

She nods yes.

"Use your words. If you're leaving me then the least you can do is give me the courtesy of speaking" he shouts. 

He couldn't help it. 

She looks like she's going to cry. 

"Yes" she says.

He takes a deep breath in. What is he meant to do now? 

Let her go.

He just nods. It's his turn to be silent now. 

He looks at her. Her eyes look so lost. He wants to lean over to her and hold her. Kiss her. See her beautiful smile. But he doesn't. He needs to respect what she wants.

She doesn't want to be with him. 

He's lost her.

The rain pours down and breaks the silence between them.

He starts the car. Not wanting to take her home. Take her away from him, but he does. They drive in silence. The car ride is too short and too long all at the same time. 

As he pulls up to her house he looks at her not knowing what to say. Not that it matters, because the second the car stopped she opened her door and left. Not looking back once.


	3. Time For Class

You got out of his car as quickly as you could. You couldn't even look back. You could only focus on getting through your front door. You hadn't heard his car pull away yet. Was he going to come after you? You wanted him to. But you knew it was best if he didnt. 

You opened the door and closed it without looking to his car.

You race up to your room. You're soaked through from the rain and you're so cold but you haven't got the energy to run a bath or have a shower. Or even to change your clothes so you just crawl under the covers.

Then without warning or even trying you cry. It's all too much and you lay there. Silently crying. No sound. Just tears.

The pain of losing him hurts more than you ever thought possible. You want to listen to the voicemails he's left you, but hearing his voice would hurt too badly. So you continue to lay there. Crying. Wishing things were different. 

Time passes and soon your mother was home from work. She calls your name and when you don't answer she comes to your room. 

"Hey sweetheart, how was school...are you ok?" She asks seeing you at bed.

"Yeah mom I'm fine. Just a bad day is all" you reply. 

How on earth are you meant to tell her the real reason. You can't. 

"Oh ok, is there anything I can do?" She offers. You say no and that you're not hungry and just want to be left alone for the night. She nods and leaves you be. 

You're grateful for it. You check your phone. Casper has text wondering if you'll be coming to school tomorrow. You have no choice really. You reply and he says he'll pick you up in the morning. The usual time. Maybe you can talk to him. Change his mind. Was there any point? Kylo hadn't tried to call you since he had dropped you off. Who could blame him. 

Your whole body ached from holding yourself stiff. You ran a hot bath. The water felt nice but you couldn't relax. After you were done you got back into bed.

Tomorrow at school was going to be hard. There was no getting away from that. You had to go to his class. See him. Act like nothing was wrong. As if it never happened. 

You drifted in and out of light sleep. You dreamt about him. It felt so real. Him back in your bed. Holding you. Kissing you. But as your alarm went off and you fully woke you were snapped back to reality. The tears came again. 

You couldn't control it, but you had to. You had to pull yourself together. You had to face this, and him.

You got ready for school. Making no effort with how you looked. Your eyes were puffy and red. Your cheeks rosy from wiping away tears. You put your hair in a ponytail and dressed.

As you got downstairs your mother gave you a sympathetic look which you returned with a ... "don't ask" glance. She seemed to understand. 

You felt silly. She was going through so much worse with Paul. If your suspicions were correct, and here you are. Heartbroken over a guy you just met.

Casper beeped letting you know he was outside. You waved goodbye to your mom and got into the car.

"Hey" he said alot nice than yesterday.

"Hi" you reply.

As much as you hated the ultimatum he'd given you. You weren't stupid. You did get why. He began to drive. You could tell he wanted to talk. 

"Look Y/N I don't want us to fall out over this" he said.

"Nor do I... it's just hard" you say back.

You wanted to have an honest conversation with him. He nodded as if he understood. 

"You get why you has to stop it though?" He asks. 

"I get why you think I had to stop it. Yes" you say.

"It is over isnt it Y/N?" He looks worried.

"Yes. Its over" you answer.

So much for your plans of talking him around. He seems firm on the choice. You could plead, beg, try and make him see it from your side, but the look in his eyes made it clear he would never be ok with this.

Pulling up to school you see the girls. They don't know what happened. Casper hadn't told them. Or anyone. As promised. Now it was time.

Professor Rens class.


	4. Acting

Your nerves have never been worse. You feel sick. Casper notices and as you say goodbye to Courtney and Dione as you all head to class, you feel Caspers hand at the bottom of your back. Bringing you back to reality. 

"It'll be ok" he assures. 

You weakly smile. Unconvinced. 

Casper goes into the classroom first. Then you. You keep your head low but you're able to see him. Standing at his desk. You get to your seat and the class settles.

He begins to roll call and gets to your name. He hesitates slightly as if its painful to say it.

"Miss L/N" he says.

"Here" you reply glancing upwards.

He clears his throat and continues. 

Casper looks at you and you give him another weak look. The lesson seems to last forever. He teaches his class and acts normal. Well almost. He's slightly off. Nobody else noticed but you did. He had asked the class questions and ordinarily you would have raised your hand to answer but you thought better of it.

The bell goes. Atleast that's over for the day. He hands out homework before dismissing everyone. As he approached your desk and hands you the paper you make eye contact. Only for a second before he looks away.

The look in his eyes. You couldn't place it, but it made you sad. It made you feel guilty. 

You and Casper are the first to leave. Relieved to be out of there.

"You ok?" He asks.

"Fine" you say.

You head to next class. Then the next. Then lunch. Then before you know it the day is over. You survived.

Relief was short lived when you remember you have cheer practice. You give yourself a pep talk and get changed to meet everyone on the field. 

Distraction is key.

You talk to the girls and practice the routines. Faking a smile throughout the day. 

Casper is also training on the field. He keeps glancing over to you. Keeping an eye on you. 

Your mind wandered to Kylo. As it often does. You wondered what he was doing. What he was thinking. Was he still at school. Or had he gone home. Did he want to still speak to you. Or was he done.

KYLO P.O.V.

He hadn't slept much that night. He didnt know what to do. All he wanted was her. To call her. To go and get her. Bring her back to his home and never let her go again. 

But that's not what she wanted. That's the only thing that was stopping him.

For once he cared more about someone else than himself. He wondered if she would come to school. How would she act around him. How would he act around her?

As class began he saw her. He felt the need to take a deep breath. There she was. And he couldn't do a thing about it. 

Class was awful. He tried his best to put on an act. To teach his class and not let it show. She hadn't looked at him. Barely looked up. Apart from when he did roll call. Her sweet little voice. It hurt him.

She didnt seem herself. She hadn't slept either. He could tell. If she was so ok with this then why did her face look like she hadn't stopped crying?

Was there hope?

He had no plan. No way forward. All he knew was he had to respect her. He wouldn't try anything on her. All he wanted was her to be happy. Even if its without him.


	5. The Diner

A week had passed. It was now Friday and honestly you have no idea how you've made it through. He hadn't called. Or text. Class had been normal. Well as normal as it could be.

You were on auto pilot. School. Cheer. Home. Repeat. 

One good thing from this week was your mom. You'd spent more time with her, like you used to. Paul seemed to be gone more and when he was around your mother was different around him. Less of a push over. 

Was she finally seeing him for what he was?

Maybe she would leave him and you and her could leave this town. Start over. That should sound like a good thing. Even though you and Kylo were over, the idea of never seeing him again was too much..

Casper and you were ok. You had tried a little to change his mind but he wasn't having any of it. In his own words he was "doing this for you". Even though it felt so wrong to you to be away from Kylo. You couldn't blame Casper. As much as you wanted to. 

What was the other option? Admit it was never meant to be?

The girls, you and Casper had arranged to go to the local diner after school. The girls ended up cancelling. They were so loved up and just wanted some alone time. Atleast they're happy. 

So you and Casper went.

KYLO P.O.V

This week had been torture. Only getting to see her for one hour a day, and if he was lucky a brief moment in the halls, but that was it. He couldn't talk to her. Couldn't find out how she was or how her life was. Or if she needed help with her mom and Paul. He couldn't touch her or kiss her. Ever again. 

He missed her so much. Missed her touch. Her scent. Her. Just her. He couldn't bring himself to let go. He still had hope.

There was a teachers meeting this evening and then it was the weekend. He would have to go two days without seeing her until school again on monday. 

He didnt want to think about that. He'd get this meeting over with and then deal with everything else. 

The teachers had arranged to meet at the diner.

He really didnt want to but he did have obligations. He was early. No one seemed to have arrived yet.

"Yoohoo" he heard an annoying voice. Turning he saw Stacey calling him over.

Honeslty why did it have to be her. He couldn't stand her at the best of times, but tolerated her at school as she was a colleague. There was nothing she has done wrong particularly, but she wasn't someone he wanted to give any of his time to.

But there she was. Early too. He walks over and takes a seat opposite her. She begins to talk and he tries to seem interested. Praying the other teachers arrive soon. 

YOUR P.O.V

You and Casper arrive at the diner. You're actually hungry for once. Looking around for a seat your heart stops when you see Kylo. He's smiling. 

Who was he with?

Just then you heard a familiar shriek of a laugh.

Stacey.

Fucking Stacey.

He's here with her?

Kylo looks up and sees you looking confused. He clicks and realises you probably think he's on a date.

You look away. You need to get out of there.

You apologise to Casper. He puts two and two together when he sees Kylo and Stacey. He follows you out looking in disgust back at Kylo.

"Y/N wait" Casper calls to you.

"WHAT?" you scream.

He's taken back. By this time Kylo had also followed you out but you didnt know.

"Look, I'm sorry you saw that. But don't you think maybe it's for the best?" He asks.

"No. I don't. None of this is for the best" you respond.

Still not knowing Kylo is listening you carry on your talk with Casper.

"I thought you were doing ok? You seem ok?" Casper asks.

"Do I? Well I'm not. This whole fucking week has been a nightmare" you yell.

"Do you have any idea what it's like. How hard it is to act like you dont care. That you're not in pain" you add.

"Yes. I do" he says.

You take a breath in. This is getting you nowhere. So you tell him you're going home and begin to leave.

"Y/N stop. Look it will get easier ok. Soon you'll forget about him and move on" he says.

"Oh my god. You don't get it do you. There's no moving on. No forgetting him. It's impossible. Yes. I get that you think it's wrong. Why? Because he's a teacher? Fine but it doesn't feel wrong. Not one bit. Being with him was the only thing that's felt right my whole life. And you took that from me" you scream at him.

You hadn't realised youd been holding onto that.

"I didn't take anything from you. He shouldn't have given it to you in the first place. I gave you a choice" he replies angrily. 

"What choice? Keep him and you tell everyone and he loses his job? You ask.

He doesn't respond. 

"The fact that you think there was even a choice shows you dont know what love is" you're still shouting at him.

Still unaware Kylo is listening.

"Love?" Casper asks. 

You didnt mean to say that. If you're honest with yourself you've always known you loved Kylo. You'd just hidden it away. There was no point loving him. But you did. You do.

"Yes. I love him." You say.

Casper looks at you and then leaves. You breath out feeling overwhelmed. You need to get out of here. So you turn to walk away.

"I love you too" you hear a voice call after you.

You stop. Not looking back. Too afraid that this isnt real.

"Y/N" He says softly. 

You turn around and see him standing there.


	6. I've Never Cared What People Think

Neither of you moved.

"How long have you been stood there?" You ask.

"Long enough" he replied staying in place.

"He's the reason?" Kylo asks.

"I guess" you reply not wanting to fully blame Casper. 

"Look Kylo I can't do this now, you have a date inside waiting for you and if Casper sees you out here with me he'll get the wrong idea and ..." you trail off.

"And he'll what? Tell on me?" He mocks with a laugh.

"What's so funny" you ask

"Angel" he says approaching you.

You back away very aware you're in a public place. 

"It's not a date" he states a little annoyed.

"It's not?" You say sounding relieved. 

"No. There's other teachers coming. Stacey happened to be early. As did i" he clarifies. 

"Oh" you nod.

"You're right. We can't talk here. Let me take you home?" He offers wanting to speak to you but not push it.

"No" you say firmly.

He looks wounded and disappointed. 

"Can we go to yours instead?" You ask.

He looks into your eyes with a slight smile.

"Of course" he says.

He reaches out to you and takes your hand. Leading you to his car.

"Wont you be in trouble for missing the meeting?" You didnt want him to be in trouble.

"I don't care about that"  
"I only care about you"  
He says as you reach his car. 

As you settle into the car he begins to drive. You feel nervous. You realised you're going to have to explain everything. The drive is silent and you glance over to him. His face is focused ahead. He's driving fast but not too fast. He's eager to get to his place. 

You arrive and he walks you in. You haven't been here since your wonderful weekend together. You hear the door close behind you and you feel his hand on the small of your back. 

"Let's sit" he suggests.

You find your seats on the sofa and look at him.

"I don't know what to say" you start.

"Start from the moment you decided to leave me" he says frustrated. Clearly just wanting answers but he's trying to be calm. 

"It was just before I called you"  
"Casper picked me up for school and saw me...us when you dropped me off after our weekend" you say.

He takes a deep breath in. The mention of Casper boils his blood at the best of times. 

"What did he see?" He asks. 

"Enough" you reply. Fidgeting with your skirt again. 

Kylo nods.

"So he told you to leave me or what? He'd tell people?" He asks. 

"Pretty much yeah" you nod.

"Y/N you should have told me" Kylo says while looking at you.

"Why?" You wonder what would that have achieved?

"So we could decide what to do together" he answers.

"But there was only one thing to do Kylo" you explain.

He shakes his head. 

"You would have lost your job if I hadn't agreed with him" why wasn't he taking this seriously. 

"So I lost you instead" he yells.

It shocks you a bit. Why is he so mad. Can't he see you did this for him?.

"Look maybe I should have told you but what would you have done? We would still have broken up" you say.

"You think so? You think I'd have let you leave me if I'd have known it wasnt your choice?" He's still shouting. 

"Yes because it's not worth losing your job over" you shout back.

"Maybe not to you, but to me, it... what we have is worth losing everything over" he seems more upset than angry now.

"It shouldn't have to be like that. You shouldn't have to choose" you say quietly.

He takes another deep breath.

"Maybe I should go" you say.

"Listen to me Y/N ... we can work this out. Now that I know it's not you that didnt want me, that it was the boy..." he trails off.

"We can make this work. Dont go." he's pleading.

"Nothing has changed Kylo. Casper is right. What did you think was going to happen?" You ask.

"Angel" he says reaching out to hold your hand.

"He is not right. Being without you has killed me. I need you back"  
"Please" he looks so lost.

This is breaking your heart. His words. The look in his eyes.

"What about your job?" You ask  
"If Casper tells..." 

"Fuck my job. And fuck Casper"  
"I can get a new job. Somewhere else" he says holding your hand tightly. 

"I can't" you say. Tears in your eyes.

"Why baby?" He's close to you now.

He brings his hand to your cheek and wipes away your tears.

"Are you worried about what people with say. About you? Because if..." he begins but you cut him off

"I don't care what people think of me. I'm worried about you"

"I'm not"  
He says with a slight laugh.  
"I've never cared about anyones opinion...except yours" he adds.

You can't help but smile. 

He lifts your chin so you're looking at each other.

Your phone rings. It's Casper. 

Kylo looks pissed off.

"I have to answer" you say.

"Hello?" You pick up.


	7. I'm Staying?

Kylo stares at you while you're on the phone. 

"Um yeah I'm fine. I just needed to leave" you reply to Casper. 

"Did you talk to him? He wasn't in the diner when I went back inside?" Casper asks you.

"No I didnt see him to talk to him. He must have left just after me or something" you say hoping you sound convincing.

"Oh ok well I'm sorry I left you. I just got a bit pissed off when you said you loved him" he explains. 

"Yea I get it. Its alot to take in" you agree trying to get him off the phone. 

"You home safe?" Casper asks. 

"Yeah. I'm home" you say looking at Kylo.

"Ok well see you Monday? Unless you wanna hang out before?" He asks.

"Monday is good. I have alot to do this weekend. Goodnight" you say and hang up.

As you put the phone down Kylo looks angry.

"What's wrong?" You ask him.

"Really?" He laughs but not in a good way. 

"It's really over isn't it" he asks.

"What do you mean?" You dont understand. 

"You didn't tell him you were with me. You're sticking to your choice" he states. Looking away from you.

You shake your head. You don't know what to do. All you want is him.

"I just wanted to get him off the line" you tell him.  
"If I said I was with you he would have caused trouble and right now I don't know how much more I can take" you start to cry again.

You're sick of crying.

"Ok ok, shhh baby it's ok" he says as he pulls you into a hug.

This feels nice. It feels right. 

"Kylo I..." you don't know how to finish your sentence. 

"You're exhausted. Let's get you to bed. You need rest" he stands up. 

"I'm staying?" You ask.

"Yes" he says as if there was ever a chance he'd let you leave.

He leads you to the bedroom. 

"Do you want to shower before you go to sleep?" He offers.

You nod.

He begins to run the shower and brings in one of his shirts for you to put on after.

"Thank you" you say genuinely. 

He leaves you alone. Closing the door behind him.

You texted your mom to tell her you're staying at Courtneys and get into the shower. The water feels incredible. Your head feels fuzzy from everything. It's been a hell of a week. Well it's been like this since you moved here really.

You spend far too long in the shower. You hear a knock and Kylo asks if you're ok. You say you are and you wont be long. 

He's there. Sitting at the edge of his bed as you walk out in his shirt. 

He looks over your body. But shakes the thought. 

"Come. Lay down" he gets up and pulls back the covers. 

You do and crawl into bed. His bed. 

"Goodnight angel" he says about to leave the room.

"Wait you're not staying in here with me?" You sit up feeling confused. 

"No I'm going to stay in one of the guest rooms" he replies.

"Why?" You wonder. Can't he stand to be around you? Who could blame him. After all you did leave him.

"Because I don't trust myself around you. And that's not what you need right now" he replies. 

"Please" the word has left your mouth without knowing what you were asking for.

He turns back to you and closes the door. He takes off his trousers and gets into bed. You can feel the heat off his body. You fight every instinct not to touch him. To feel his body. His breathing seems harsh. Like he's fighting it too. His eyes are closed and he's laying on his back.

Your eyes look over him. He's perfect. His perfect face. How could this man ever have wanted you. Enough to risk everything over. His words "I love you too" played over in your mind. Could he possibly?

He was leaving all of this up to you. He wasn't going to push you. You had to decide. 

"Would you really choose me?" You ask.

His eyes open and he slowly gets up. He's leaning over you. His hand at the side of your head. Being careful not to touch you. 

"I have" he states.

"I'm just waiting for you to choose me" he adds.

You lift your hand and touch his cheek. He let's you.

"I have" you say quietly. 

He slowly leans his face closer to yours. Almost as if he expects you to pull away. But you don't. You tilt your face upward and press your lips against his. He presses back and lowers you onto the pillow. He begins to kiss you. His hand roaming down your side. 

You've missed this feeling.

You needed it. 

"More" you say into his mouth. 

"More" he nods and continues kissing you.


	8. Mine Again

Your kiss became erratic. Desperate. Like you needed this kiss to breathe. He didn't stop when he reached your neck with his hand. He squeezed gently. You lowered your hands down from his face over his torso. You lifted off his tshirt and saw his strong frame looming over you. 

The kiss had stopped and he was simply looking at you. You ran your fingers down his stomach and reached the hem of his underwear. 

He put more pressure on your neck. You needed more of him. All of him. You didn't know what would happen after today or if you'd tell Casper the truth, but all you knew for sure was being without this man for even one second longer was not an option. 

He can see your mind working overtime. 

"What do you want Y/N?" he asks releasing your neck. 

"I want you" you reply. 

"You want me?" He flirts. You've missed this. 

"I need you" you say desperate for him to touch you.

"Do you need me?" You ask. Starting to worry he's not feeling the same.

"I'll always need you" he says with a smile. You loved when he smiled. 

Then you're kissing again. He trails one large hand under your shirt. Smoothing over your skin. His touch was all you needed. He lifts it off and you're laying there in knickers. His eyes wander over your body. You always feel self conscious when he looks for too long. 

So you place a small hand over the bulge in his underwear. He makes a small sound. Urging you to continue. You dip below the material and hold his hard cock. You stroke up and down slowly. Never looking away from his face. You continue for a few moments before he starts on you.

He nudges your legs open and traces a middle finger over your knickers. He likes to tease you but you've been almost a week without him. Without each other. And you can't wait. 

"Not that" you say.

"Not what?" He asks.

"Not your fingers. I need you" you say looking to where your hand was touching. 

He chuckles lightly. 

"Good" he nods and begins to tear your knickers off. 

He sees you. Naked in front of him and licks his lips. Taking off his own. 

He brings his finger back to your pussy. He's testing you to see if you're wet enough to take him. 

Apparently not.

He opens your legs with his hands and lowers his head below. Wasting no time before he's licking and sucking. Adding to your wetness. 

You moan at the feeling. You've missed this. All of this. Your fingers find his hair and you dont know if you're moving him to or from you.

Even though it feels incredible it's not enough.

You wriggle.

He smirks into you.

"I know. More" he says stopping what he was doing.

He begins to kiss you again. Settling himself inbetween your legs. He pulls away to line himself up. He looks desperate like he needs this as much as you. He looks into your eyes and you smile. He begins to sink into you. He opens your legs wider and pushes more into you.

Your breath quickens. The feeling is better than you remember. He's slowly pushing into you and looking down. You move to meet him. Wanting to feel all of him inside you. 

"Missed me have you?" He asks.

You nod..

That's all he needs and he's fully inside you. You moan loudly as he does. He's so big. He's grunting as he withdraws slightly and back in. You hold onto his arms. Wrapping your legs around him. 

He begins to kiss your neck while his hands are fixed on your waist. He's stretching you with every thrust. You cant help the noises that are coming from your mouth as he picks up the pace. 

"Ah fuck" he says as he breathes heavily into your neck.

Your hands move from his arms. One on his face and the other trailing down to meet where he's pounding into you. You can tell he's close already. You are too but you decide to find your clit to get there faster. 

He feels what you're doing.

"Am I not enough for you baby?" He asks

"More than enough" you assure. 

"Do you really think I'd cum without making you first" he asks as he pushes your hand out of the way and pins it to your side. 

"No...but I want you to cum. I need to feel it. Inside me. I can't wait" you say wriggling as his thrusts slow.

He smirks. 

"Angel. Let me worry about all that. You just lay there like a good girl and take it" he says firmly. 

All you can do is nod.

Your hand still pinned at your side with one of his. The other slipped behind your back pulling you to him. The angle changed and he fucked into you hard and fast. 

He grunts into your neck again. You hear the slapping noises and the noise of your wetness through your collective moans. 

You feel yourself building. As he had promised you would. You feel yourself tighten around him and he continues the kisses on your neck and bites down.

You cry out and he continues. You're being pushed over the edge. His grip on you is harsh and you'll be covered in bruises and bites. You loved the idea.

You continue to moan and grip the sheets with the hand that's pinned down.  
A few more of his powerful thrusts and you'd be undone. 

You close your eyes tight as you reach the point of no return. 

You cum harder than ever around him. It seems to last longer too. Maybe it's because you've missed him. 

"There it is" he says feeling your affect around him.

"Mmm" is all you can say and you're still riding your high. 

"Such a good girl for me" he's moaning. 

He takes his arm from around you and holds your neck. He liked to do this when he came. 

"Fuck you feel good" he says to you.

"Don't you ever take this pussy away from me again baby" he warns.

You shake your head and bite your lip. Unable to speak because of his grip. Its starting to feel painful with the over stimulation but you couldn't get enough of him. 

You hoped it wouldn't just happen the once tonight. 

He pounded hard and fast. Hitting the walls of you with every stroke. 

he looked at you briefly before his thrusts became sloppy. Then his mouth was back in the crook of your neck. His breath tickling you as he breathed heavily. 

He gave a few more deep thrusts and came inside you. He growled as he did and squeezed your neck tighter. He kept going for a few more seconds as every drop of him spilled into you. 

He released your neck and wrist. But quickly placed them on your hips to keep you in place. Both breathless you look at each other. 

He leans down and kisses you. The sweat from his forehead touching yours. You stay like this for a moment and then he removes his cock from inside you. Laying on his back he pulls you to him. You curl up next to him and trace lines on his body absentmindedly. 

He's getting better with being touched.

You're both silent. Comfortably. 

He's the first to speak.

"You're mine again" he asks. Or states.

"I'm yours" you say


	9. Gentle

You must have fallen asleep because when you woke it was dark outside. 

Remembering you were at his house. In his bed made you smile. 

"You're happy?" Kylo asks.

You hadn't realised he was awake.

"I want you happy Y/N" he says reaching over to cup your cheek. 

"I'm happy when I'm with you" you confess.

It's his turn to smile.

You're both laying on your sides facing each other. He's tracing lines up and down your side with his fingers. He's being gentle. You closed your eyes.

"You're not going back to sleep yet? He says gripping your waist 

"But I'm tired" you tease as you open your eyes.

"Not even a week without me and your stamina is gone miss L/N?" he teases back.

"Let's built it back up shall we?" He says as he pulls you on top of him so you're straddling him.

His large hands roam your body. You can't stop looking at him. The way he looks at you. It's different to how anyone has ever looked at you. Even different to the way he used to. Theres something else now.

He kisses your collar bones and his hands travel under your shirt. He's still gentle but you can feel him grow under you so you put pressure on where his hardening cock is. He hums in approval into your skin. His fingers playing with your nipples.

He has one hand beneath your shirt holding your back so you cant get away. The other still teasing your nipples. You use your hands to hold onto his thighs to steady yourself as the need for contact grows.

You don't want to move or ask him because sometimes he'll tease you and you just needed to feel him.

"Do you remember the first time?" He asks looking up at you.

"The first time we had sex?" You clarify.

He nods.

"No I've totally forgotten" you say sarcastically and roll your eyes. 

He laughs and shakes his head.

"Did you like it like that?" He asks bringing both his hands to your hips and settling. 

"I loved it like that" you were confused. Couldn't he tell how much you loved it when you did. 

He nods. Removing you from him for a second.

"Have I said something wrong?" You as ask he lays you on your back. 

"No" Kylo says.

"You don't want me on top of you?" You knew most of the time he liked to be in control. He did want you on top some of the time but he still controlled it.

"Not right now" he says. He's hovering over you looking down.

"Ok we don't have to...we can just go back to sleep. Or talk?" You offer. Maybe he's changed his mind. 

"That's not what I mean" he responds. It feels like he's trying to say something.

"I want to do it the way we did it your first time" he says smoothing your arm. 

"Like gentle?" You ask.

That's not it. But it must be close because he nods.

He doesn't usually want to be gentle. He usually fucks you like his life depended on it. Not that you have any complaints. 

"Um ok. If that's what you want" you smile and reach to touch him, but he captures your hand in his. Still not 100% ok on the touching. You needed to respect that more. You say to yourself.

"I want to do it the way you want to Y/N" he says looking down. 

"But we do" you assure you sit up and look at him. You don't really understand. 

KYLO P.O.V

You could tell she didnt really understand. The last week you'd thought about every little detail of your short relationship. Every possible reason she left. Maybe she had had enough of his selfishness. The fact he just takes whatever he wants. He knows she enjoys it. She cums all over him. But is that the way she wants it? Hard and rough. Yes they had sweet moments and he had been gentle but more often than not he fucked into her with purpose.. she was so beautiful. She deserves to have someone who will fuck her the way she wants. Maybe she was done with his harshness. 

That's when he thought back to their first time. Where he was gentle with her and he kissed her and went slow. Because she was new. She's still new. And he had treated her like she was some kind of fuck toy.

But she was so much more than that. He wanted to show her. He needed her to see she can have it all with him.

Neither had brought up the fact they had kind of said 'I love you' he hadn't because he didnt know how to deal with it. Or how he was feeling. 

But he could show her. He could make love to her. Show her how much she meant. Let her touch him if that's what she wanted. Kiss her more. She liked that. He couldn't lose her again.

He wouldn't.

YOUR P.O.V.

His mind seemed to have wandered. You looked down and saw his cock still hard. You reached your hand down and touched it. Lightly. That brought him back. He swallowed hard as you continued. 

"Do you want me to?" You ask unsure.

He nods.

You palm over him and feel him move beneath your touch. You're using your other hand to prop yourself up so you're eye level with him. 

He slowly brings his lips to yours. He seems nervous. You know kissing is something he does for you. You kiss him back and dip your fingers in his underwear to feel the smooth skin of his cock. 

"Hmmm" he breathes into your mouth. 

He pulls your hand off him but continues to kiss you. He leans you back and he gets on top of you opening your legs with his.

His kiss is different.

Gentle.

Loving.

His hands are on you. Touching your legs and opening them more. He begins to kiss down your neck and you can't help but touch him. You are trying not to but he makes it difficult. 

You lift his top off and place your hands over his chest. You look so small under him. He kisses along your shoulders and down your arm. Kissing over all the bruises he's given you.

"Take off your shirt" he breathes as his mouth reaches your tummy.

You do.

His hands play with your thighs as he lowers his face more. He kisses you. There. Over your knickers but that alone sends shivers down your spine. You're propped up on your elbows looking down at him. 

He takes off your underwear and discards them. He rubs his thumb over your pussy. His touch is incredible. Every little movement. 

He sinks down more and begins to lick you. He's slow. Deliberate.

"Lay down properly" he orders.

He begins to run long licks up and down you. He licks your wetness as he does. He opens your legs more to give him better access.

"You taste so fucking good baby I could eat you forever" 

You moan. When he says these things it drives you crazy.

He sucks your clit hard and you wriggle but he holds you in place.

"Do you want me to make you cum like this?" He asks looking up at you.

You nod.

"Yes?" He asks.

"Yes please" you answer. Wanting his mouth back on you. 

He does. He's not playing games with you.

He sucks and licks while holding you down. You're moaning and he's merciless with his tongue. He pushes it inside you as his nose grazes your clit. His fingers are holding your thighs down and you can feel him picking up the pace. He doesn't want to use his hands. He wants you to come undone from his mouth alone.

He can tell you're close and concentrates on your clit. You're dripping wet and hes swallowing it and licking you like never before. He's focused on your pleasure. He's always been fucking incredible at this but it feels different tonight. He's not doing it to get you ready to take his dick. Or to tease you. He wanted you to cum. Needed you to.

"Ahhh" you got out amongst the pleasure.

"That's it angel"  
"Let go" he says.

He sucks hard and you cant hold out much longer. You dont need to so you shut your eyes as he carries on and you feel yourself tense. You cum as he sucks your clit. Your body tries to move but he has you in place.

He doesn't stop until you regain your senses. 

He brings himself up to you and kisses you. You can taste yourself on him but it doesn't bother you. You kiss back and reach down to his cock. You touch the head and its dripping with pre cum. 

He closes his eyes for a few seconds before stopping you. 

"Open your legs" he says.

You do. Ready to take him. You expect him to settle between your legs but he doesn't. His fingers move down and he touches the sensitive flesh of your pussy. 

He trails two large fingers over your folds. He catches your clit and you furrow your brows. It's still too sensitive. He understands and goes back to drawing lines up and down.

He pushes one in slowly and you breathe out. He pumps in and out gently. You rest one hand at your side and the other you place over your thigh. You wanted to touch his cock but he'd stopped you twice. 

The feeling of his finger was good. He added another. He worked inside you. He started to kiss you as he got a rhythm inside. You began to feel the knot in your tummy.

You were going to cum again. Cumming from his fingers felt different to his mouth he palmed over your clit with his thumb a few times. Testing your sensitivity. You winced as he did. It was too much. With his fingers and already cummin from the clit.

He left that alone. For now.

His fingers pumped faster inside you as you closed your legs around his hand. He smiled into the kiss and pulled away.

"Open" he said.

You opened your legs and he curled his fingers inside you. You could feel yourself getting breathless. You loved this feeling. Only he could make you feel this way. You rest your head on his shoulders as he works to get you there. You hear the sound of wetness as they coat his fingers. 

You arch your back and bring your hand around his wrist. Not trying to stop him but on instinct. 

"Aw baby" he teases.

You feel him put pressure on the spot inside you and he goes faster. You tense and look at his face. He's lost in you. Looking down to see how slick you are. How much you need him. Then he looks at you. He kisses you again.

He's never kissed you this much before.

Your hand is firm around his wrist. But he's so strong he moves in and out of you like nothing. 

You pull away from the loss as you clamp down on his thick fingers. 

"Cum Y/N" he says.

You moan as you cum. Loudly. You bury your head in his neck. It's so intense. He continues drawing every last piece of pleasure from you. He rests inside you and feels your pussy fluttering still. You're still in his neck as he withdraws.

He rests his wet fingers on your tummy.

"Did that feel nice?" He asks.

"Nice?" You giggle. "Beyond nice" you say.

You look up at him and your legs feel weak. But you get up and plan to suck his dick.  
But again he stops you. You look up at him confused.

"Do you not like it when I do things to you?" You worry.

"I do" he says looking at his hard cock.

You don't know what to do.

"Lay down" he orders.

"Again?" You ask.

"Again" he says.

Surely he cant mean to fuck you yet. You feel way too sensitive. He touches inbetween your folds and you move away.

"What's the matter baby? You don't want my dick inside you?" He asks knowing exaclty what he's doing.

"I do. I just feel..." you start.

"I know" he smiles.

He's so smug on times.


	10. I Could Get Used To This

He kissed you again. His kissess were perfect. His lips crashing into yours with urgency. He palmed himself a few times to relieve the ache from his neglected cock. 

"Let me?" You asked.

He wanted you to. But he just wanted to focus on you.

"Please...I'm too sensitive right now to take it. Let me suck it until I can?" You offer. 

He also didn't want to over stimulate you to the point where you couldn't cum over his dick. So he nodded. Eager to have your mouth wrapped around him.

You smiled and got into position. He held your hair with one hand into a make shift pony tail. He still wanted to be gentle with you and had to concentrate on not fucking your mouth.

You bobbed your head as he allowed himself to enjoy. Holding your hair to allow him to see what you were doing. He loved looking at you. Especially now. After thinking he had lost you. 

You took as much of him into your mouth as possible. He was rock hard and you felt the need for him to be inside you. But you kept sucking. He'd taken time on you. Made sure you felt good so you wanted to do the same.

He began to rock his hips to you, so you could move quicker. He groaned as his cock hit the back of your throat. You could taste him and wanted more. You wanted him to cum like this. Pushing your desire to have him sink into you to the back of your mind. 

You sucked harder and continued the rhythm. He moaned louder as you did. You peaked up at him and saw him looking up to the ceiling. Muttering 'fuck' under his breath. You continued, feeling him pulse slightly in your mouth.

With that he stopped you. He'd pulled you off by your hair. 

"Nice try. But I'm not done with you" he said. 

You bit your lip in anticipation. 

He brought his hands to your butt and squeezed. Lowering himself to lick your nipples. Your hands on his broad shoulders. 

"Can you take me yet?" He asks hoping.

"Yes" you nod a reply.

"Good girl" he says as he scoops you up to lower you on the bed. 

He hovers above you and lines himself up. You still feel sensitive but you had to have him inside you. Now. He felt the same as he pushed himself into you half way.

You moaned loudly. As big as his fingers were nothing prepared you for how big he was, and as he sank all the way in you were painfully aware of his size.

Your breath quickened as he thrust in and out. He wasn't going hard or fast. He felt perfect. You could feel all of him. Every inch. 

He was setting a slower pace than usual. You didnt know why but you were glad of it in this moment. 

"Kylo why are you doing it like this?" You asked wondering if you were meant to be doing something.

"I told you" he says  
"I want to make love to you angel" he added. Looking at you. 

He kissed your neck as he continues his perfect thrusts. You brought your hands to his back, enjoying the closeness. He looped one arm under you and held your waist. He groaned into your neck as you wrapped your legs around him. Bringing your hands to his torso. Not wanting to lose the closeness. You touched over his body and he closed his eyes 

"I'm sorry" you said removing them and holding his sides. He was ok with you touching his sides.

"Put them back" he says breathlessly. 

You're unsure. Not wanting to push. 

"It's ok baby, you can" he nodded so you did. You could feel his heartbeat in your palm. It was beating fast.

His pelvis was hitting your clit with every slow thrust.

"Mmm" you moan. 

"You like this?" He asks.

You nod and bring your lips to his. He eagerly kissed back.

"My little baby. Back where she belongs. With me" he kissed you hard.

You could feel your tummy tighten. His thrusts began to feel harder and faster. The sensation of his aims and grazing your clit was making you build fast. Buy you couldn't think you'd be able to cum again. He felt amazing regardless. 

"Fuck. You feel so tight all of the time" he says into your neck. 

His breathing changed and you could feel his need to cum. He was close when you were sucking his dick and now he was working to his own release. 

He brought one hand to your neck as always but took it away. 

"You can do that. I like it" you assure.

"I'm being gentle angel. That's not gentle" he says.

"You did it our first time" you remind him. 

He chuckled slightly. 

He shakes his head no. For whatever reason he was doing it differently you wanted to go along with it. 

The knot in your tummy was back and you could feel a build but couldn't cum. 

"You can't?" He asks. Clearly knowing what your body was doing. He always knew. 

"I don't think I can" you admit.

"We'll see" he kisses you and changes position so you're on top. Never taking his cock out of you.

He holds your hips down and rocks you back and forth. His cock is hitting you at a different angle like this.

You moan and rock with his guidance.

"There you go" he smirks.

"You will cum for me again" he tells you.

"Mmm" you closed your eyes as he continued deep inside you. 

He sat up so he was face to face with you and began kissing your neck holding you in place with a hand on your back and the other pulling and pushing you back. 

He was hitting the spot inside you and again you started to build. You moaned as the feeling got more intense. The slow pace was making it last longer than before you came and you loved it. He was looking at you and breathing heavily. You hoped he was enjoying this as much as you were. 

You rocked back and forth at the pace he set and he moved his thing over your lip. Opening your mouth slightly. You knew you were close again and didnt want to lose this feeling. You could feel your cheeks reddened with the stimulation. 

"Good. You're doing so good for me" he praised.

You started to moan louder as you tightened even more around him.

"Ah fuck baby" he groaned out.

"Am I doing it right?" You ask. It felt amazing for you but you knew he didnt like you taking control.

"Yes" he quickly said. 

You continued feeling every inch of his dick completely inside you. You started to feel weak as your orgasm was approaching. You needed to cum. He brought his arm to your lower back and helped you with your movements. 

He just made everything better.

"Please...I...cant" you plead.

You couldn't do what he did.

He'd usually mock you for this but not tonight.

"Its ok angel, I'll get you there" he kissed you as he pushed further into you. He thrust upward and you held onto his shoulders. One of his hands now holding you up by your butt ss he worked inside you.

The other squeezing your waist to continue to rock you back and forth as he thrust upwards.

You've never felt this overwhelmed before. Your breathing became shakey.

"That's it. You ready to cum for me? just me!" He asks. You could see how badly he wanted to cum. But he was intent on making you again.

You nodded.

He upped the pace and you cried out as he pounded into you. You felt dizzy as your orgasm hit you. You clamped down on his dick and he growled into your ear as you gripped onto him. He kept going just like that. You kept your eyes closed. Holding onto the feeling. You were vaguely aware of him speaking. Praising you. When in reality you hadn't done anything. You felt out of it.

"Angel. Stay with me a little longer. I need to cum and I need to look into those beautiful eyes when I do" he said.

"Mhmm" you nodded.

He fucked up into you having stopped the rocking. You could hear how wet you were. But you couldn't care less. That's the effect of Kylo Ren.

"Hold onto my shoulders" he ordered. 

You did and he brought both hands around your waist and bounced you on top of him. 

Fuck he felt good. 

"Ah baby, your pussy is too good" he said. 

You swallowed and looked at him. His eyes looking directly into you. He looked beautiful.

You held on as he thrust up a few more times. He held his breath as he spilled himself inside you. Looking at you the whole time. He slowed down and stopped as he finished. He pinned you down so he was still inside you.

Both breathless. 

He brought his arms around you and held you close as you rested on his chest. He was hugging you. You couldn't help but smile.

If that was making love. You could get used to it.


	11. Plans

He rolled you over to your side and settled behind you. Spooning you. You smiled. You felt completely satisfied. 

"Kylo...what's going to happen with us?" You ask as you played with his fingers in yours. 

"Well why don't you tell me what you want to happen?" He answers nuzzling into your hair. 

"I want to be with you..." you start.

"Good" he smiles.

"But..." you continue. 

"No. Theres no buts. We have to be together." He's never sounded so lost before. 

"I know. It's just I don't think we should tell people yet" you tell him.

"Why not?" He asks trying to understand. 

"Because we don't have a plan. What happens if you lose your job and you have to leave here to get another one?" You say.

You turn to face him

"What if you have to leave me?" He pulls you closer.

"I just got you back" you start to cry 

"Shhh angel Shhh. It's ok" he assures.

"I will never leave you" he says.

"How can you say that? You'll need a job to live. What if people are mean to you because of me? And you can't get a job and..." you start to get worked up.

He sits up and he rests your head on his chest.

"Look. I don't teach for the money. I have money" he starts but is hesitant. 

You didnt know that. I mean actually his house is far too nice for a teachers salary now you think about it.

"I teach because I enjoy it. I came here a few years ago because it's far enough away from my old life to start over" he continued.

You stay silent not wanting him to stop. He's never said anything like this before.

"If I cant find another job here. I'll stay. I'll wait for you to finish school. Then wherever you go to college I'll follow" he says stroking your arm.

"You'd do that for me?" You ask. 

"I'll do anything for you" he kisses your forehead.

"I'd do anything for you too" you look up at him.

"Well yes. You've proven that with your reason for leaving me" he half teases.

You look away from him. 

"No part of me wanted to leave you. You know that... dont you?" You ask.

"Im starting to" he nods. 

"So its settled then...spend the weekend with me. Monday morning I'll go to school and tell the principal about us" Kylo says.

"Or" you say.

He raises his eyebrow.

"We wait" you state.

"Wait for what?" He asks still smoothing over you.

"The big game" you say.

"The big game?" He asks confused.

"What you want to tell everyone then?" He asks.

"Well it's a little more theatrical than I'd like but sure" he teases.

"Shut up" you say and gently punch him.

"What I mean is...its only a week away. Then we have christmas break. So if we just keep it a secret until then and re evaluate" you say.

"You mean see if you go off me?" He kissed you.

"Shut up" you say again.

"That's never going to happen" you assure.

"I just think we should think about the people this is going to affect. My mom for one" you look down.

He nods understanding. 

"Ok"  
"We'll do it your way...as usual" he teases.

"Hardly!" You tease back.

"Shut up" he says while kissing you again.

"How is your mom. How are things with Paul?" Kylo asks.

"I think she's beginning to see him for what he is. He's spending alot of time away from the house too" you say.

"That's good. Let me know if I can help" he says as he settles you both back down into the spooning position. 

"I will. Maybe she'll leave him and we'll end up having to leave town" you half joke.

"I'll pack my bag just incase" he says as he kisses your neck.

You giggle..

"Ok. Back to sleep baby. We have the whole weekend together and I intend on making up for lost time" he says as he holds you close.


	12. Who Wouldn't

You sleep soundly knowing you're back in his arms. It's the first night you haven't cried yourself to sleep. You wake before Kylo and look over to him. You slept cuddled into him and his arm never let you go. He looked so peaceful like this. You took the time to scan over him. You'd never seen anything so beautiful in all your life. You couldn't resist you kissed his cheek. He scrunched his nose and opened his eyes.

"Sorry. I didn't want to wake you but you're very kissable professor Ren" you say.

"As are you miss L/N" he leans up and kisses your lips.

"What time is it?" He asks. 

"Ummm" you scan around for your phone.  
"9:30" you answer.

"Shit I haven't had this much of a lay in in years" he says moving to get up.

"Where are you going?" You ask. Missing him in bed.

"I told you last night... we're going to make up for lost time. That begins now with a bubble bath" he reaches your side of the bed ans reaches his hand out.

You place your hand in his and get to your feet.

"I like bubble baths" you say.

"Well I like looking at you in bubble baths" he says as you reach the bathroom.

He begins to run it and adds bubbles.

"More" you say.

"More" he replies and adds some.

"Its always more with you isnt it angel?" He teases.

"Yes" you nod as you take off your clothes.

"Get in" he says eyeing you up and down.

"Yes sir" you giggle.

"Will you get in too?" You ask.

He doesn't answer but takes his clothes off too as you lower yourself in.

"You're staring again Y/N" he says as he's nude infront of you.

"It's what I do best" you say making room for him.

"Ah I beg to differ" he says.

You enjoyed this side of him so much. You felt relaxed like you could talk to him about anything. So you did 

"You know last night when you said you had money?" You begin. His big hands resting on your tummy as you lean back into him. 

"Mmhmm" he says bringing bubbles around your body.

"How?" You outright ask.

"My parents left me alot when they died, but I didn't know until about five years ago" he answers.

He was being open. 

"How could you not know?" You ask curiously. 

He's quiet for a moment. 

"Sorry too personal" you say shifting slightly. 

"Its not that. I just haven't spoken about this. To anyone. Ever" he says as he kisses your wet skin. 

"You don't have to now. It's not my business" you tell him.

"It is" he says.

"Well. Basically. Long story short. My parents gave me away when I was young. I was in and out of homes and all that shit until I could go on my own. So I worked jobs. Saved money to study and become a teacher" he began. You could tell he was slightly uncomfortable but he continued.

"I had no idea who my parents were. Then about five years ago I had a lawyer track me down. He told me they'd died a while before and they've been trying to find me because I was left money in the will"

"So I was able to leave my shitty life and start fresh here. Still teach but be secure too. It felt nice" he finishes.

"And now I've ruined that" you say.

"You haven't ruined a thing. You've given my life a whole new meaning. I never thought this kind of stuff was for me. Never thought I'd need someone"  
"But I do"

You turn to him and cup his cheek and smile.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you. Do you know why they gave you up?" You ask as he looks down.

"I'm sorry. I don't know when to quit. You don't have to tell me" you lift his face to look at you again. 

"I'd tell you if I knew" he looks so sad.

"The truth is I dont even know their names. Or how they had money. Or why...why they didnt want me" he stops.

You didnt know what to say. You didnt understand how to help or what he needed right now. 

"Kylo..."  
He looks up at you.  
You kiss him gently and he holds you tight. Not wanting to let go of you yet.

"I'm sure they loved you" you try.

He laughs once but not a real laugh.

"Yeah? How do you know that angel?" He asks. 

"I know that they had to love you, because who wouldn't" you say. Hoping that was enough.

You settle back into him and you stay silent for a while. You hated the thought of him feeling unwanted. You'd make sure from now on he'd never feel that way again. You'd show him how special he was. How needed he was. How loved he was.


	13. A Wink And A Smile

After the bath you had gotten dressed in another of his tshirts. He made you breakfast and you ate together. You couldn't believe how different he was. You appreciated his effort but didnt want him to change who he was. You didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable by forcing him to talk about his past.

He was staring at you while you ate. He always knew when you were lost in thought. 

"What are you thinking about?" He asks.

"Everything really" you say.

He moves to hold you from behind.

"Everything will be ok I promise" he assures.

He spins your stool around so you're looking at each other. Him looking down. 

"What do you want to do today?" He asks brushing a piece of your hair from your face. 

You look up and smirk.

That's all it takes. He lifts you up and puts you on the counter. He pushes himself forward so he's between your legs. He swallows hard before kissing you. You don't kiss back.

"What's wrong? You like to be kissed?" He asks.

"That's the point. I do. You dont" you explain.  
"We dont have to. I dont need it" you say and reach for his belt.

"I do" he says holding your face. 

"No Kylo you don't have to say that I know you do it for me" you smile

"Y/N look. It's not that I don't like it. I'm just not much of an affectionate person" he tells you.

You nod.

"But I want to be. With you. Not just for you. But for me too" he says kissing you gently. You smile into the kiss. 

"Now please. Just be quiet and let me kiss my girlfriend" he says and continues.

You look up at him wide eyed.

"You liked that?" He asks.

"I liked that" you confirm.

He goes back to kissing you. He opened your legs more with his hands and grips your thigh. Bringing a hand up around your neck.

"Mmm" you moan. He squeezes as the other hand reaches your pussy and he starts to play with you. He toys with you while staring into your eyes. He pushes a finger inside you slowly as you feel him put more pressure on your neck.

You rest your hands on the counter top while he pumps his finger inside you. He adds another and you push yourself forward.

"Always so eager for me"  
"Tell me baby did you touch yourself while we were apart?" He asks.

You shake your head no. Honeslty this week was awful and you hadn't wanted to. After all he was the only one you would think of and that would have hurt too much.

"No?" He asks. As he carries on fingering you.

"Why not?" He asks. You could feel him grow harder as his cock was against your leg.

"Because..." you start. He liked this. Liked talking like this.

"Tell me" he orders as he starts to go faster, biting your neck.

"Because. You're the only one who gets to make me cum. Remember?" You breathlessly say.

He stops what he's doing. Had you said something wrong? You looked confused.

"Turn around" he says.

You get off the counter and turn around. The second you do he bends you over and exposes you to him. 

"Was that the right answer?" You ask. 

"Yes" he says and you hear him drop to his knees behind you. He brought his mouth to your pussy from behind. Wasting no time before he starts to lick you. It's different from this angle. He uses his hands to hold your butt.

He's too good at this. He dips his tongue into you. Lapping you up. He brings a hand around and starts to rub your clit. You cant get enough of him. You close your eyes as your orgasm builds. Moaning as you do. He licks you and rubs you perfectly and you cum. He doesn't stop yet. He never does. He always draws as much out of you as he can. 

You start to move but he gets up and pushes you back down and undone his zipper.

"Don't move" he orders. 

He was going to go hard and fast. He was in that type of mood. Last night was amazing but there was something different about him when he just used you like this.

He places himself and pushes in slowly but fully. Grunting as he did. Your arms were infront of you holding the other end of the counter. He put his arm around your hips and started to pound into you. His grip tight and his thrusts hard.

He was panting behind you. He continued at this pace and you felt full. You moaned and said his name. You could tell how much he liked this. He hammered into you recklessly. You wriggled but not to get away. He reaches for your hands and pulled them behind your back with one of his. The other holding you in place by your hip.

This angle was perfect. He repeatedly hit that spot inside you over and over again. The both of you moaning loudly. You felt so wet as he drove into you.

"Do you like it when I make you cum baby?" He asks as if he didnt know the answer. 

"Mmmm" was all you could say.

"Yeah. Good!" He says pounding harder. His grip on you began to hurt. 

"That's how I'll know you wont leave me again. Because you wont get to cum if you do" he says.

That's one of many reasons why you wont leave.

Your tummy was feeling that familiar sensation. You nodded with what he was saying.

He released your arms and they fell to your side. He pushed your hips so they were flush with the counter. He fucked you hard and fast. You scraped along the surface trying to hold onto something. Knowing you would cum soon. 

He loved seeing you like this. 

You moaned loudly as you came. Your tight pussy clamping down on him. You could hear him panting behind you. You felt weak. Like he took everything from you. But in the best way.

"Get on your knees" he says as he take his cock from inside you. You do as you're told. He strokes himself roughly. Coating his hand in your wetness. 

You get to your knees and look up at him. 

"Open" he says.

You open your mouth and he forces himself inside and holds the back of your head. Guiding you up and down. You taste yourself on him. 

You suck hard and fast knowing he's close. 

He's swearing under his breath as he looks down at you. He begins to come undone and fucks your face roughly. You had no complaints. 

"Ah shit. Keep doing it like that" he says.

So you do. He's hitting the back of your throat and you're trying to keep up. 

He slows his thrusts but you pick up the pace to compensate. You loved doing this to him.

He closes his eyes and you feel his cock pulse in your mouth. So you take as much of him in as possible. He growls at the feeling and it's a few more thrusts before he cums in your mouth. You don't stop yet not until he looks done. You swallow all of what he spills into your mouth and you lick the rest as he takes you off him. 

You're still on your knees and he looks down at you. He picks you to your feet and catches his breath. 

"You're always so beautiful. No matter what I do to you" he says. 

You just smile.

"Finish your food" he says as he picks you to your feet.

"I'm full" you smile.

"Not yet" he winks.


	14. Knock Knock

After food you and kylo went for a walk around his property. He seemed happy. He kissed you and held your hand. Seems you've found a happy medium between being kissed and cuddled and being pounded into mercilessly. The looming thought of the future hungover you though. Yes you'd spoken about it but you still felt uncertainty. 

You didnt want him to lose all he had. For you. You didn't feel good enough. After him telling you about his past. He worked through all of that to teach and now he may lose that forever. What if he resented you for it. 

You rang your mam to tell her you were going to stay over your friends again. You felt bad lying but you weren't ready to tell her. She had enough going on. She did seem to be doing a lot better and you didnt want to ruin that. Paul was away for 'work' when you asked about him she said she didnt want to discuss it over the phone but she would speak to you when you got home. You didn't want to get too exited that she was leaving him. But she seemed in that way of thinking. 

Kylo had some work to do so you took the time to text friends back. 

The girls suggested another sleepover to get in some extra practice before the game on Friday. They seemed happy and were having a date night tonight. You wondered how they'd take the news. That you and professor Ren were a thing. If Caspers reaction was anything to go by it didnt look good. 

He'd also text you. You didnt like the idea of lying again but what choice did you have. You only had to lie for a little longer before Christmas break. Then hopefully you would be able to tell people. Maybe Kylo can look for a teaching job now. Get a head start on things. Just incase it went bad. Maybe it wouldn't be as big of a deal as you're thinking it would be?

Wishful thinking.

You'd left Kylo to his work. Not wanting to disturb him. You curled up on his sofa and put the tv on. Watching nothing in particular. You yawned realising how tired you are. This week had taken alot out of you. 

You really didnt think you would get him back. And now you're at his home. Waiting for him to finish work. You felt like a real couple like this. It gave you hope that this could work. 

Another hour passed and he emerged from his study. He had his glasses on. He was so cute when he wore them.

"Hi" you greet him.

"Hello sweetheart" he stood still with his hands in his pockets. 

"How's the grading going?" You ask knowing he was marking papers.

"Fine" he stayed where he was. Looking at you. 

"What did I get?" You tease.

He chuckles.

"If you're about to tell me you've been sleeping with me to get a good grade, save it" he smiles at you.

"So an A?" You ask.

He chuckles again.

"A+ miss L/N" He walks toward you and you get to your knees on the sofa. 

He captured both cheeks in his hands and looks down at you. 

"Do you want to go on a date with me?" He asks. 

It takes you back. 

"A date?" You ask. How would that be possible. 

"Yes it's what couples do on Saturday nights" he sarcastically explains.

You tut him and sit back down.

"You dont want to?" He asks.

"It's not that I don't want to. I mean I've never been on a date before. I just...how can we?" You wonder.

"Well it's simple really but seeing as you've never done it before I'll explain" he's playful. He turns you to face him.

"Step 1...we get dressed.  
Step 2...I drive us to a restaurant.   
Step 3...we eat.  
Step 4...we talk.  
Step 5...we drive back.  
Step 6... I fuck you until you cant move"

He says. 

You smile and giggle.

"Can we just skip to 6?" You offer.

He tilts his head.

"If you like" he kisses your cheek.

"What? You don't want to be seen with me?" He questioned half joking. 

"Of course I do. I just thought we agreed to wait. Plus I only have my school uniform. I feel that would be adding insult to injury" you say holding his hand.

He nods looking disappointed.

"Are you mad?" You ask.

"No" he says and pulls you into a hug.

You wanted to say yes. It sounded perfect. To be going on a date with Kylo Ren but it wasnt realistic yet.

"I do want to. Its really lovely of you to offer and we will as soon as I tell my mom and friends. If you still want to" you say.

"I'm just waiting on you angel" he plays with your hair.

"What shall we do instead?" He asks.

"Its up to you" you answer.

"Clearly not" he snips a bit.

You pull away from the hug and look at him.

He brushes it off with a chuckle and gets up. 

"Please don't be like that?" You get up to follow him.

"I'm not, it's fine. I get it" he reaches the kitchen and pours a whiskey. 

"Guess I can have a drink now knowing I wont be driving anywhere" he snips again.

You huff as he drinks.

"You said you understood!" You say firmly.

"I do" he says staring at you.

"Obviously" you answer back with an eye roll.

"Just because I understand it doesn't mean I have to like it" he finishes his drink and pours another.

"But it also doesn't mean you get to be mean to me" you tell him.

"Mean? You think this is mean?" He warns.

"Yes. I do" you told your arms. 

"You're acting like a child" you say with a raised voice.

"Well maybe I'm spending too much time with you then" he says downing another drink.

Did he really just say that? Did he mean that? This is exaclty the kind of thing you were worried about.

You couldn't say anything back to that. The look in his eyes suggested he instantly regretted what he had said.

You moved away from him and began to walk away.

"Y/N wait I'm..." he starts.

With that you heard a knock at the door. You turned back to Kylo who looked equally confused.


	15. Unwelcome Visitor

"Who is that?" You ask.

"I don't know" he replies.

"Are you expecting someone?" You wonder.

"No" he seems as confused.

'Knock knock'

"Should I hide while you answer?" You ask.

That thought hurts.

"No. Look whoever it is I'll get rid of them. You dont need to hide" he says making his way passed you to the door.

"No Kylo. Look whoever is here is here for a reason. You live in the middle of nowhere. If they're knocking it's for a reason" you state.

You push passed him and make your way to the study to hide. You give him a look of 'its fine' as you close the door. You wonder who it is. Its 7:00pm. 

You hear him make his way to the door. Muffled you hear...

"Stacey. Hi."

Stacey?? Really!! Why is she here?

You hear her greet him and make her way inside without invitation. Why was she here. Did he invite her? Maybe when he didnt know youd come back to him.

It was muffled but you heard her obnoxious laugh and you wanted to take his letter opener and stab her in the neck.

You pressed your ear to the door intently. 

"Why are you here?" You hear him ask.

"To see you" she says flirtatiously.

"Why?" He asks firmly. 

"Well you left the other night without us getting to talk and so I thought I'd come by..." she says.

"I had something to deal with. I couldn't stay" he says.

You. You were what he had to deal with.

"Well you missed quite the night. Professor White had alot to say as usual..." she adds.

"Mm" he says.

"Well I'll tell you all about it if you pour me a glass of that whiskey you're drinking" she flirts again. 

You feel your blood boil. You wanted to barge out of the study and choke her to death. 

"Actually I have company so you need to leave he says.

You smile.

"Oh um ok sorry. I didnt know" she says embarrassed. 

"Fine. But you should leave" he says.

"Um sure. Yea. I just guess I didn't think you would have someone here. You've never spoken about a girlfriend since you started at the school" she says.

"Somethings are private" he states.

"Yes right. Well I'm sorry. Where is this 'company' of your anyways?" She laughs challenging him.

"She waiting for me and I want to go to her. You need to go" he says.

You hear him close the front door. Ushering her out. 

"Ok sure. If you ever get bored of your company. Let me know" shes still trying. Seriously?

"I'll never get bored of her" he says. 

You hear the front door close and the sound of his footsteps grow closer as he approaches the study. You stood still not knowing what else to do. The door opens and he stands in the frame. Looking at you. 

"Are you ok?" He asks not moving.

"Why was she here?" You ask.

"I don't know" is his honest answer.

"No?" You challenge him.

"No" he says moving forward.

"I want to go home" you say not really meaning it.

"Why?" He asks. 

"Really?" You raise your eyebrows.

He approaches you but you back away. 

"Take me home Kylo" you say.

"No" he plainly says.

"Fine. I'll walk" you storm passed him but he holds your wrist. 

"Stop" he says loudly. 

You pull away but it's no use.

"Did you ask her here?" You ask beginning to cry.

"Are you serious?"  
"No"  
"I didnt"  
He says a little annoyed.

"Has she been here before?" You just want clarity. Hes still holding your wrist. 

"NO" He shouts.

Why is he yelling at you?

"Y/N no one has been here before" he confesses.  
"Just you" he adds.

You lower your head and begin to sob. You couldn't help it. Your tears poured from you with no effort.

"Baby please don't cry" he pulls you into his chest as you continue. 

"Shhhh" he smooths over your back.

"I can't" you get out amongst cries.

"Cant?" He's filled with worry.

"Cant be without you" you say looking into his eyes.  
"I can't have anyone else think they're yours or you theirs. I can't be without you. I can't hide us. I can't do it" your tears are falling down your cheeks.

"I need you" you cry.

He holds you tightly.

"I'm yours angel. I've only ever been yours" he says wiping away your tears.

"What more can I do to prove that to you?" He pushes you away but only to look at you properly. 

You're a crying mess but you can't help it. 

"Look at me"  
"Do it" he says.

You look into his eyes. 

"She means nothing to me do you understand? Nothing. I'm very close to getting something I've wanted for a long time. Wanted but didnt realise it" he says 

"What?" You ask.

"Love" he says.

You look at him. He looked different. Vulnerable. 

"You have it" you say whole heartedly. 

"I do?" He asks. 

"If you want it, from me?" You hope.

"Only from you" he leans down to kiss you. 

"Don't leave me" he asks. But it's not about you leaving tonight. 

"I won't. Ever. I promise" you say.


	16. That's Not What That Is

You held each other like that for a while. 

"Come on let's go sit down. I'll make you some food" he says walking out of the study.

You dont move to follow him. He looks back at you.

"Look Y/N I'm sorry for what I said ok and I really don't know why she was coming" he says. 

"It's not that" you shake your head 

"Then what?" He asks softly.

"I'm scared" you confess. 

By now he's made his way back to you and holds your hands to make you look at him. 

"Scared to tell people?" He asks. 

"No" you say placing your hands on his chest.  
"Scared that you'll regret this. That you'll realise I'm not enough and get fed up, or bored of me. Like Stacey said" you say.

He takes a deep breath in.

"Angel. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She doesn't know it's you I'm with. She doesn't know a single thing about you" he kisses your cheek. 

You nod.

"I will never regret this. Ever. You're the single most important thing in my life and that will never change. You are more than enough. I'm the one who should be worried about these things... you're beyond beautiful. You're intelligent and funny and brave. You have so much to offer and I can't imagine why you've chosen me" he pulls you closes.

You needed to hear that 

"Please don't be scared. I'm here. I'll take care of you" he squeezes you and you squeeze back.

"Now let's get you fed and watered" he says.

"Like I'm your pet?" You ask. 

"Mmm there's an idea" he smirks. 

You didnt want to dwell on the argument or the unwelcomed visitor. You just wanted to enjoy being with him. 

"What are you cooking?" You ask.

"Let's see what we have and you can choose" he says as you reach the kitchen. 

"Can I help you cook?" You offer.

"Hmm can you cook?" He asks.

"I can learn" you shove him playfully.

That evening was lovely. You'd helped him cook and you talked more about your life and plans for the future. You spoke about your dad and how he was a writer. You wanted to go to college and study that. He was supportive. You told him that he also left you money as Kylos parents had but you wouldn't get it until you were 18. So providing you get good grades you can pretty much go anywhere to study. He said he'd come with you and you'd have a life together. You wanted to run with this fantasy.

You asked to watch a horror movie and cuddle. So that's what you did. No matter what. He always had to be touching you. You could shift positions and he would always place a hand on you or pull you to him. You didn't want it to end.

You stared at him as he sipped his drink. 

"What's in that head of yours?" He asks without looking from the t.v.

"You" you say as you take the drink from him and set it down. 

You get on top of him as he's seated. He immediately holds your hips as you run your fingers through his hair.

"Are you still worried?" He asks. 

You shake your head. 

"Good" he says and runs his hand up your back.

"Will you have sex with me now?" You ask quickly. 

He raises his eyebrows.

"You don't have to" you say and you try to get off.

"Stay where you are" he orders holding you back on him.

"I just dont ever know how to ask" you get shy all of a sudden.  
"Just incase you don't want to or something" you add.

"I always want to" he says moving his hip up so you can feel his growing cock.

He puts his hands under your top and touches your skin. 

"Arms up" he says.

He takes it off and touches you again. His head leaned back. He just looks at you. All over you start to unbutton his shirt. You snake your fingers under the material and feel his chest. He moves and takes it off. Pulling your neck to him and kisses it. His lips on your skin feels amazing. 

Everything about him was amazing. He pushes you down onto his groin with his hand on your hip and he starts to kiss down your collar bones. 

You grind back a bit trying to get friction. He laughs.

"You're always so eager" he coos. 

"Sorry" you stop what you were doing. 

"Don't ever be sorry for that baby" he says as he moves your hips back and forth and he puts pressure down so you can feel his hardness through his trousers with your pussy. You had knickers on but it felt like you could feel him.

"Mmm" you moan quietly. 

He continues to grind you on himself. The material of your underwear catching on his zipper. But it felt incredible. He bucked up a bit and brought you down hard. 

"Why does this feel nice?" You ask as you moan. 

He doesn't answer but smiles. He loops one arm around your waist and you rest your hands on his chest.

He rocks you back and forth and you can feel he's fully hard now. Your clit began to pulse. His other hand was holding your thigh. His fingers digging into your skin as he continued to move you.

"Does it still feel nice baby?" He asks.

You nod furiously not wanting to stop. He pushes you down hard and moves you over himself now feeling how wet this has made you. You start to moan as he bucks up into you again. You feel it build. It surprises you but you love the feeling. You close your eyes as he carries on. 

"Do you want me to make you cum like this or with my cock inside you?" He asks. Always so confident.

"Both" you moan out.

He smiles as you open your eyes.

"Both" he nods and moves you faster. You lean forward and rest your forehead on his.

Your tummy has butterflies and your cheeks go red.

"That's it baby" he encouraged. 

He was yet again doing all the work and you were getting the credit. 

"Lean back" he says.

When you do he holds both hands on your hips not letting you move away from the contact. He pushes you back and forth firmly and you're grinding on his cock. You know you're going to cum and moan as he continues. Your hands resting on his knees as you lean back.

You cum just as he rolls you over his hardness. You cry out as he looks at you.

"Good girl" he says as he slows.

He undoes his trousers and holds his cock in his hand. 

"Push your knickers to the side" he says with urgency. You do and you feel your wetness on your fingers. 

He runs the head of his cock up and down your folds until its coated and moves to be inside you. You're still holding your knickers to the side as he leans you back and pushes himself slightly inside you. 

He brings you down on him and you watch his cock sink into you. 

He grunts and holds a breath.

He feels so big all of the time but especially when he hasn't opened you up before.

"Is that ok?" He asks. 

"Yes" you nod enthusiastically

He pushes more inside and holds your back to lower you. You lean forward. Both hands on his chest.

He begins to thrust up into you slowly. When he's fully inside you. You wriggle to accommodate his size.

He groans as you do so you decide to move up and down. His hands now holding your waist. 

"Mmm" he moans.

You didnt know if you were doing it right. Whether you were going fast enough. But he seemed to like it so you carried on.

He's groaning as you pick up the pace. Leaning to kiss you. His kiss is rough and you kiss back equally as hard.

He's panting as you ride him.

"So good for me" he says as he sucks your nipples. 

You can feel the head of his dick hitting inside you. It felt different. Like the angle was different. 

You slow down slightly to get rid of the weird feeling. 

He continues to play with you.

As you bounce up and down you feel odd again so you slow right down.

He looks up at you.

"Do you want me to do it?" He offers and begins to thrust up into you..

"Umm no...I..." you trail off.

"What's wrong? Does it hurt?" He asks and he stops completely. 

"Not exactly. I just..." you add.

He lifts you up and takes you off his cock.

"Baby tell me if it doesn't feel good. We can stop. Or do it a way you like" he says as he sits you back down but not on his cock. 

"It just feels different. Like I was going to pee" you say looking down.

"Aw baby" he chuckles.

"Dont laugh" you say.

"I'm not. That's not what that is" he assured.

"Come on I'll show you" he moves you up and hovers you on his dick.

You look hesitant. You really didnt want to pee on him. 

"Trust me" he says.

And you nod. 

He pushes you down on him and starts to thrust up. That feeling is immediately back. And you knit your brows.

He's pounding into you hard and fast. 

"Kylo I need to..." you feel embarrassed. 

"Angel you need to trust me: he pleads. 

You nod again.

It did feel good. You felt your pussy tighten the more he pounded. He kept going and then brought his hand to your neck. 

You began to moan as he tilted you back. He started to growl as you contracted around him. 

"Ah I feel like I'm going to cum" you say.

He's breathless as he continues his powerful thrusts but you wriggle again trying to get away from the other feeling. 

"Stay still" he says. He keeps you still with his hand and continues to choke you.

You felt incredible. You wanted to cum so badly. But not like usual. More intense. You moan loudly as he fucks up into you.

"Ah please" you beg.

"You wont be long now just let it happen" he guides you. And you listen.

He holds you down and works inside you and then it happens. You cum so hard you feel dizzy. You feel your wetness run out of you and soak him.

Did you pee?

"Fuck. Yes. That's my good girl" he says as he plays with the wetness. 

You're moaning still.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help it" you get out amongst the choking and moaning.

"Shh you squirted for me baby. That's all. You did so good. So good" he says still playing with the wetness. He uses some to run over your clit as he continues his thrusts. 

"Ah fuck baby I can't hold it. I need to cum" he says. 

He brings the other hand around your neck. Squeezing using his pelvis to pound into you. 

"Let's add to this wetness shall we?" He says but you don't feel ashamed right now.

You're forced to lean back as he pushes your neck. You rest your hands on his knees. 

He growls as he cums. He cums deep inside you and gives a few more hard movements to makes sure all of him is inside you.

He releases your neck and runs his hands down your body. Youre both breathless.

"You're perfect Y/N" he says looking at the wet patch between you. He pulls you forward and you're cuddled to his chest.


	17. Yes Sir

You'd gotten cleaned up in the shower and he made you feel ok about what you just did. He made you feel comfortable and safe. You'd gotten in the shower and he had joined you. Washing your body and kissing you all over. He'd gotten hard again. You loved knowing this was the effect you had on him. You got to your knees in the shower and sucked his dick as the warm water trickled down. All you wanted was to make him feel good all of the time. He came in your mouth. You even loved the taste of him. Everything about him.

After the shower you got dressed in another of his tops. He'd set up a little table out the garden with wine and candles. You would never have guessed he had this side to him when you first met him. The evening was perfect and you'd talked endlessly about all kinds of things. It had gotten late so Kylo made you go to bed. Saying you needed your rest. He doted on you.

You both crawled into bed where he played with your hair as you fell asleep. 

Sunday morning was practically gone by the time you woke up. He'd gotten up before you to do some work but did it in the bedroom so he'd be near you. When you woke he put his work down to join you back at bed. Your skin was warm and he kissed you as he climbed on top of you. He was licking you before you had a chance to fully wake up. Everytime you had sex you felt closer and closer to him. You couldn't wait for the week to be over so you could start to be a real couple.

You did worry about the effects but the perks of having him far outweighed any negativity it may cause.

You made him stay at bed after he'd fucked you while you made him breakfast. It was nothing special but you wanted to try and show him he didn't have to do everything. 

You both enjoyed breakfast at bed and stayed a while.

Casper called you to check in and see how you were. Kylo was there while you answered the call. Hes usually jealous of your friendship with Casper but he seemed ok now. Knowing you and him would be together soon. Properly together.

You didnt feel bad about lying to Casper. You knew you were doing it for a reason. 

The day went far too quickly. Tomorrow you'd be back at school and back to pretending you weren't having an affair with your professor. 

Kylo had asked you if you wanted to go home or have him take you home before school monday and as much as you wanted to see your mom and see what was going on with Paul you just weren't ready to say goodbye to Kylo yet. You wouldn't get to sleep over in the week because you'd be too busy.

You had schoolwork to catch up on. Practice after school etc. So you decided to stay. He seemed happy and picked you up and wrapped you around him.

You couldn't keep your hands off each other you felt sore from how many times you'd had sex but the feel of him inside you was too good to resist. 

You had a shower before bed and Kylo had washed your school clothes ready. He even ironed them.

How cute.

You fell asleep in his arms and woke on monday morning already missing your days together.

He took you home. Casper hadn't seen this time. Thankfully. The car ride to school with him is good. He wanted to make sure you and him were still friends. You were for now anyways. You doubted he'd want to be when everyone found out.

Before Casper picked you up you had the chance to talk to your mom. She confirmed what you thought. About paul. She didn't want to go into it but she told you she was leaving him. She gave you the option of you both staying in this town and moving out of Pauls or to move away. You wanted to stay wherever Kylo was. But if he wasnt going to be able to teach here maybe moving would be a good idea. You told her you would think about it. She seemed ok with that.

You spoke to the girls and Casper before class. You plan to meet after school to practice. It was exiting. You were aware though that all this could change soon enough.

Professor Rens class. The past week you'd hated it. Hated seeing him. Knowing you'd lost him, but now as he taught the class you couldn't help but smile. Not in an obvious way. After all Casper was keeping an eye on you. 

You planned to have lunch with the trio but when Kylo had texted you to meet him in his study, your plans changed. You told the trio you had to ring your mom to speak about paul.

The second he opened the door of his office he pulled you inside and closed the door 

"I don't have alot of time" you said. 

"Then I'd better make you cum quickly" he said bending you over his desk.

He was surprisingly gentle even though he was touching you fast. And as promised you did cum quickly. He could time your orgasms perfectly. He came inside you telling you how much he wanted to know you were walking around with his cum in you for the rest of the day.

The rest of school was a blur. You couldn't stop thinking about him. Even at practice after school. He was in your head. He texted you before he left asking you to come with him after practice but you'd made an promise to go for food with the trio. 

He understood and told you to have fun. It was still important to you to make an effort with your friends. Casper again drops you home and you thank him.

You hadn't heard from Kylo since you'd been out, but you didn't expect to. He wasnt much for texting.

You and your mom had a good catch up and she was definitely leaving Paul. She planned to rent a house close to the school while you both figured out what to do.

You were ready for bed so he said goodnight. 

You got to your room and decided to text Kylo.

"I missed you today" you say.

"So did i" he responds a few minutes later. 

"Good" you text back. 

"Tutoring tomorrow miss L/N" he responds. 

"Yes sir" you reply and crawl into bed. 

You knew exactly what he meant by that. Yes it would be hard to convince Casper it was professional but you needed to be with Kylo. You had to tell him about your mom. Besides all of that you just wanted to see him.

So that was the plan.

You couldn't wait.


	18. I Told You Not To Do That

You woke up exited for the day. You couldn't wait to see Kylo. You made extra effort with his you looked today. You were looking forward to his class but mainly for tutoring. You wouldn't have to rush being with him like yesterday. You told Casper tutoring was starting and he seemed concerned. You assured him it was just for school and you and Kylo were over. 

You felt a tinge of guilt as he said he trusted you.

His class was good. He looked at you like he couldn't wait to get you alone. And soon enough he did. You were in his office again with his lips on yours.

His kiss was hungry.

He took all of your clothes off and layed you down on the sofa he had in his office. He spread your legs open and licked your pussy slowly. You ran your fingers through his hair as he did. 

"That feels good" you said.

"Yeah?" He asks as he begins to suck your clit. He adds his fingers and curls them inside you continuing his sucking. You arched your back as he deepened his fingers. 

"Don't cum" he says.

"Hmm" you mumble.  
He licked. Edging you.  
He continued fingering you but stopped the attention on your clit. 

Kissing up your tummy reaching your breasts. Licking your nipples before bringing his lips to kiss your mouth. You kissed back and he bit your lip. His fingers were working you up to your release. 

"I said don't cum" he reminds you.

You whimper as you try to fight it. He looks down at you. Naked beneath him you can see his bulge in his trousers. You reach out and smooth over it as he continues to finger you. You start to tense around him and he smirks.

"Please. I need to?!" You ask permission. 

"I said no" he says.

You huff.

"So spoilt" he teases you taking his wet fingers from inside you. 

"Open your mouth" he says and pushes both fingers inside.

"Suck them clean" he orders so you do. Hoping he'll put his dick inside you if you do as he says.

"Turn over" was his next order.

You do and he pushes your face down and moves your butt in the air. He unzips his trousers and pumps himself in his hand.

He has your head pinned down by holding up your neck. He gets behind you and pushes all the way into you with a growl. You moan out as he does. He's huge.  
"You're so good at taking me. Like you were meant to" he says while he slowly withdraws from you and back in again and again.

You feel the need to cum again. It's quicker because you were so close from his fingers.

He brings both his hands to your hips and thrusts into you. Your knot in your tummy is tightening and you need to cum.

"Please" you beg.  
"Please what baby?" He taunts.  
"Please let me cum?" You cry out.  
"Already? Hm. I dont know" hes playing with you.  
"I can't stop it if you keep doing this" you argue.  
"Yes you can" hes cruel.  
"Please let me?" You beg again.  
"No" he says as he picks up the pace. He's pounding into you fast and you try to change the angle as not to cum.  
"Still" he orders.  
He can feel your pussy fluttering around him.  
"Don't you dare" he shouts at you.  
But it's too late. You tense up and cum all around him as he fucks into you. You moan out as the pleasure increases.  
He chuckles.

"I told you not to do that yet" he says.

You're coming down from your high.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help it" you say.

He's going deep into you as he continues but then he slows and pulls half way out of you. You feel a sting on your backside as he smacks your butt.

"Ouch" you say and move away but he holds you in place. His cock inside you as he sparks you again.

You wriggle away but he's too strong. He does it again and again. You moan with the feeling.

"One more" he says and you nod. He brings his hand down once more. Harder than the others. He starts to move you back and forth on his dick again. Sinking all the way in and smoothing your butt as he did. He pounds into you hard and fast. He feels incredible. Even though you're sore and sensitive from cumming.

He begins to grunt and groan as he plows into you.

"Ah fuck you feel good. My naughty little girl. Not doing as she's told" hes ruthless.

"Fuck" he says as he drives his cum into you and slows to a stop. He moves you to his side as he sits on the sofa and pulls a blanket over you. 

"Sorry I came" you say.  
"Are you?" He asks.  
You shake your head no and smile.  
"Didnt think so" he holds you close as you watch the rest of lunch break come to an end.

"Stay with me tonight?" He asks.  
"Yes" you say looking up at him.  
"Yeah?" He seems surprised.  
"Is that not the answer you wanted?" You ask.  
"Of course it is. I'm just not used to it being that easy to get you" he teases.  
"Well itll be alot easier after we tell people" you say hopeful.  
"You'll have me whenever you want me then" you add.  
"All the time then" he says kissing your forehead. You smile.  
"I have to go" you say and begin to get dressed. He looks at you as you do.  
"Shall I wait by my car for you?" He asks.

"Um no. Casper will still have to take me home" you say apologetically. He nods.

"Ok. Let me know when to come for you" he says raising to his feet and cupping your face in his hands you tilt up to kiss him.

"I can't wait" you say as you leave his office.

You got changed after your shower when you got home but packed your school clothes for tomorrow. Another sleepover at professor Rens. Another night of lying to your mother about where you were.

"Just a little longer" you said to yourself. 

You texted him and he was going to wait in the usual spot up the street.


	19. One Of Many

The drive to his was nice. He put on music for you and held your thigh, smoothing up and down.

"Thank you for coming to get me" you said 

"My pleasure angel" he says.

You got inside. It felt cold outside so you were glad to see Kylo had put the fire on ready. You smiled as he took off your coat. 

"Go and sit down. Warm up. I'll bring you a glass of wine if you're wanting one"

You nod.

He brings a bottle and two glasses. He fills his and gives you a half one. You roll your eyes. 

"Don't look at me like that miss L/N you shouldn't be having any" he tuts. 

"There's alot of things I shouldn't be doing professor" you tease.

He laughs.

Your phone rings. Its Casper. You answer it.

"Hey" you greet him.

"Hey how are you?" He asks.

"I'm good you?"

"Yeah all good. Just checking the plans for the game Friday" he says.

"Plans?" You ask.

"Yeah the girls are in panic mode and insisting you practice before school. At lunch. After school." He says.

You laugh and say...

"So basically if I'm breathing I'm practicing?" 

"Yep that's the idea" he laughs too.

"Ok well I'm busy tonight with my mom but tomorrow morning I can meet early and then during break and after if that's the plan?" You agree.

Kylos looking at you with a straight face.

"Ok cool. I'm with them now. We would have picked you up but if you're with your mom that's cool" he says.

"Yeah we're just hanging out" you lie.

"Right so I'll pick you up at 6:30 tomorrow?"

"Ughh 6:30? That's gonna suck" you laugh again.

"You gotta do what you gotta do Y/N" he says.

"True. Ok see you tomorrow. Goodnight"

You hang up the phone. Seeing Kylo with a straight face. 

"Is everything ok?"  
"Is it about getting picked up at 6:30?"  
"I can go home now if it's easier?" You offer.

"It's not that" he starts sipping his wine.

"Then what?" You ask. 

"You lied"  
"To him about where you are" he says.

"Well yea. You know I lie about it?" You say.

"But it seemed so easy for you" he says.

"What do you mean?" You're getting a little defensive. 

"I dont want us. This. To turn you into someone you're not. You're not a liar Y/N and I dont want to make you one" he says.

"You haven't. I lied for a reason. To protect people. Including you"

He shakes his head.

"I don't want to be protected from this. I want to be with you. I want more" he confesses.

"So do I Kylo" you take his hand in yours.

"Do you think you'll be comfortable with telling your mother soon? I know we said we would wait until Christmas break to see how things go but my feelings for you arent going to change they're getting stronger" he says.

You smile.

"Mine are too. If that were possible" you kiss his hand.

"Yeah" you nod. "I'm ready"  
"Can we just get the game out of the way first. Then I'll tell my mom and then my friends" 

"You will?" He looks so happy.

"Yes I will. I want to. I want to be with you. Properly" you say and kiss him. 

He kisses back.

"I don't want you to feel pressured" he says as he kisses your neck. You've moved to straddle him.

"I don't at all. I want this. I want you".

He stands up picking you up and your legs wrap around his waist. He's holding you up by your butt and kissing you. Passionately. 

He walks with you to his room and lowers you on the bed. He undose your trousers and you take off your top. He kisses your calf and trails his hand up to part your legs.

"Will you take off your clothes? Please?" You ask. You wanted all of his body on all of yours. He nods and takes his clothes off.

He runs his fingers up and down his cock as he looks at you. Then he sinks down on the floor bringing your pussy to his face and kisses it. 

You chuckle and he smiles.

"Mine" he says.

"Yours" you agree.

He's slow with his tongue and fingers. It feels so intimate. He's kissing away and licking you perfectly. Dipping in his fingers as he does. You simply cannot get enough of this man. He uses the pad of his thumb to rub over your clit and pushes his fingers inside you. You didn't know if you were allowed to cum. You prop up on your elbows and look down at him.

"Something on your mind angel?" He asks with that smirk of his.

"Can I?" You look at him desperately. 

He nods.

"You wont spank me if I do will you?" You ask.

"Not unless you want me to" he offers.

You shake your head no. You wanted him like this. He was being so sweet and gentle. You were glad of it. You felt sore after the last few days. He nodded and went back to his sweet deliberate licks and soon you came. He carried on licking and only stopped when you ran your fingers through his hair. 

"You're done?" He asks getting up.

You nod and he highers you on the bed and lays beside you.

"Wait no. Not done done. Just done with that part" you clarify. 

He did know you were sore. He was trying not to fuck you.

"Its fine baby. I've been rough with you the last few days. Just lay down and rest" he turns you on your side and spoons you as he put a blanket over you. You could feel his hard cock in your back. He kisses your shoulder.

"But I want to do more" you say.  
He chuckles but just holds you.  
"You don't feel like it?" You ask.  
He pushes his hard cock more into your back.  
"No not at all" he says sarcastically.  
"Then can we?" You turn to look at him.  
"Please" you ask.  
He's torn. You really want to feel him. You're not going to be able to see him for the next few days due to practice.  
"Ok. Stay the way you are and I'll be gentle with you baby" he says as he lines himself up from behind you.  
He slowly pushes into you halfway. He was right you did feel sore but you needed him. He pulls out slowly and back again. He held your hip lightly with one hand and slipped the other arm under you to hold your hand.  
"Mmm" you say.  
"Ok?" He checks.

You nod and he carries on at this pace. He's stretching you as always but you loved it. He kisses your neck and thrusts more of his cock inside. He holds you closes as he does. Kissing your neck and grunting into your ear as his rhythm builds.

"Does this feel ok angel?" 

"Yes" you nod and start to feel warm.

You could feel his cock inside you. Moving back and forth. Resting on your side you felt relaxed and him kissing you and holding you like this made you feel so close to him.

He brought the hand from your hip to between your legs where he gently rubbed. You mean out at the added sensation. 

"Good?" He asks.  
"Mhmm" is all you can say. 

He's slow but deliberate with his thrusts and your warm feeling takes over you again and you cum. Gripping the hand he was holding you with as he kept going. He takes the hand from your clit and places it on your shoulder close to your neck. He usually grips your neck hard but he didn't this time. He just pushes you gently down onto his cock as he thrusts. Looking for his own release. He was panting and groaning as his pace quickened. You didn't mind. It didn't hurt much and you knew he would cum soon.

"Ahh baby you feel so good taking my cock" he says squeezing your shoulder. He pounds harder knowing he's close.

"Kylo..." you start. 

"Yeah? ... too hard?" He asks slowing.

"No no keep doing it like that. I just want to ask... will you cum inside me again?" 

He smiles and continues. 

"Yes baby. I'll cum inside you" He's breathing heavily. He picks up the pace and the noises fill the air. He's kissing your neck and bites down as he cums. Hes groaning into you as he fills you up.

He slips out of you after a few moments. But holds you in this close position. 

He kisses down your spine and strokes your arms. You love how affectionate he is.

"You should sleep Y/N you have a busy few days ahead and then the game on Friday night" he says as he layers blankets on you.

"Are you coming?" You ask.

"Give me a few minutes and I'll try again" he smiles.

He can be so silly.  
You laugh.

"I mean are you coming to the game?"

"Do you want me there?" He asks. 

"Well do you normally go?"

"To watch a bunch of high school students play football?"  
"No I don't normally go" he says 

"Well theres cheerleaders too" you tease.

"There's only one cheerleader I'm interested in and that is you miss L/N" he kisses you.

"Good. So you'll come then?" You ask.

"I'll come for you yes" he agrees.

"Its a date then" you smile.

"Mmm. One of many" he says as he brings you closer to him.


	20. Stop

The next two days went so fast. You barely had time to think. Between schools and practice, you hadn't even gotten to so much as kiss Kylo. You missed him but kept reminding yourself that after Friday you could start to be in a normal relationship. You just needed to get through the big game with no incidence. 

You had gotten to speak to Kylo over the phone at night. His voice made you feel better and the one hour a day where he taught you in class was a godsend.

You and your mom had sorted things about Paul. You found a house close to school. You just hoped Kylo would get to stick around.

Friday night rolled around and you were nervous. You arrived early to the field and soon enough the crowds started coming in and filling the bleachers. You looked around and you saw your mom. She gave you a wave and a thumbs up. You were exited. The players were warming up on the field. You kept looking around for him but couldn't see him.

Did he change his mind?

Just then you saw him. He was staring at you smiling. You gave him a sly wave and he made a shocked face to mock you. But waved back.

Then Casper jogged up to you looking to where you were staring. He saw Kylo.

"That's not what you think" you say.

Now is not the time for this. 

Casper nods but doesn't look convinced. Courtney and Dione join you and you have a group pep talk. You were feeling scared but seeing your mom and Kylo in the audience made you want to perform.

It was time for you to do one of your routines. The adrenaline was intense and you looked out at Kylo as you did it. He looked impressed. The routine went so quickly and you all nailed it. You were so proud of yourself you couldn't take the smile off your face. Now it was time for the actual game. You watched the players run out to the field. Casper was captain so you saw him first. The game started and it was exiting. 

You hadn't had many games like this at your other school. You looked again to Kylo and he was looking at you. All you wanted was to run up to him and kiss him. But you had to get through this first. And it was fun. Your school was winning and Casper was doing so well.

Half time and it was the cheerleaders time to to another routine. Kylo didn't take his eyes off of you. You tried to focus but you just looked back. As you wrapped up your routine and the second half was about to begin you took another look. He was smiling like an idiot. He'd come for you.

You were snapped out of your fantasy by Casper calling you. He shakes his head. He had seen the staring between you and Kylo. This wasnt good. But he had to start to play.

The second half was brutal. Casper seemed to be on a mission. He looked over at you alot and back to Kylo. Your school was still winning and you were in the last 10 minutes of the game. You stole a few more glances but mainly to check he was ok and had seen what Casper was doing. 

The last 5 minutes were a race to score. Casper was out to win and he scored the final points. You all cheered as the buzzer went. You were thrilled for the team. But Casper didn't seem too happy as he approached you.

The crowd was still cheering as he reached you.

"Congratulations" you say with a big smile.

"Don't" he says.

"Don't?" You ask.

"I gave you a chance" he says as the crowd simmers down. 

You look over to Courtney and Dione feeling nervous.

"Casper look I dont know what you think..." you try.

"What I think Y/N is that you're still fucking professor Ren" he shouts over the crowd and everyone turns to you.

The girls look at each other in shock and then back to you and then Kylo. Hes making his way to the field. You look at your mom who looks equally shocked.

Kylo walks up to you on the field and holds out his hand for you to take it.

"Fuck off dude shes not going with you" Casper says to Kylo. 

Kylo lowers his hand looking ready to kill Casper. 

"Casper dont!" You say

"Don't what? Try and protect you from this creep?" He says back to you in disgust.

"That's not how this is" you scream at him.

"No? Because I think everyone here would agree with me" he says looking around.

"Y/N come with me" Kylo says holding his hand out again. Hes trying not to lose his temper. You go to reach for his hand.

But Casper stops you.

"Seriously? Leave her the fuck alone professor Ren. Leave her be with someone her own age. Like me" he says.

You see red in Kylos eyes and he no longer has his hand out for you. He's made a fist with it instead and he punches Casper hard. Casper falls to the ground. 

"Kylo no!" You shout.

He looks at you.

The whole crowd is whispering. 

Casper gets up and goes to hit Kylo but you get in the way.

"STOP IT!!!" you've never screamed so loud in your life. 

You look at Casper with tears in your eyes.


	21. I Know Now

He looks back at you. Kylo behind you not knowing what to do. All he wanted to do was defend you. Protect you.

"How could you" you say not knowing if it was to Casper or Kylo. 

Casper looks in your eyes seeing how hurt you are.

"Y/N I ... I'm sorry. I thought I was looking out for you. I thought he was just using you" 

You hear Kylo breathing heavily behind you.

"You thought that because you never gave me a change to tell you how it really was. Yes ok. It looks bad but it's not a school girl crush ok. Its real. What me and him have..." you look back at Kylo. The crowd quiet now. Looking on.

"Its love" you add.

You turn to Kylo. He looked scared but not for him. For you. This was not what you had planned. Plus him hitting Casper was not something you wanted. You looked over his shoulder to your mother. You gave her an apologetic look. She makes her way down to you. 

You walk passes Kylo. Passed the girls to your mom. Kylos sure he's lost you now. He feels empty inside. Like his life has ended. 

"Mom" you say weakly.

You begin to cry. All he wants to do is go to you. Your mom pulls you in for a hug.

"Sweetheart. I dont pretend to get this. And I can't say I understand why you wouldn't want to talk to me if you were feeling this way" she says.

"I don't know mom I dont know" you cry into her.

Kylo fights all he has not to go to you. But he knows better. You need your mom and friends. Not him. He forces himself to leave. Walking away through the crowd of onlookers. Not caring about their whispers. Feeling so much guilt for what he's caused. He should never have done this to you. This was his fault. He'd never put you in this position again. He would leave town. Hopefully the stigma would leave with him. He'd never been in love before. But as he made it to the parking lot he knew now he was in love. Deep love. He knew he loved you but now he knew it went beyond that. He needed you to be happy. He couldn't be the reason you cried. Ever again.

He reached his car ready to put her first.

"Kylo" he heard his name being called.

By you.


	22. You Smile And Say

He looks up and sees you. Standing there crying. Looking lost. He just stands still.

"You're leaving?" You ask.

"I..." he starts.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" You scream at him. Even louder than on the field.

"How could you. You're a fucking cunt" you continue to yell.

"How could you leave me here all alone? After everything you've done and said to me. To make me feel like we were in this together you and I" you shout through your tears.

He makes his way to you quickly. 

"No. Dont!! Don't come near me" you sob.

"I left because I was trying to do the right thing by you" he yells back at you but not at you. It's to himself. He just needed to yell.

"The right thing? How can leaving me be the right thing? What is it going to take for you to realise we need to be together. It's the only thing that feels right" you choke out.

"Shhh ok ok" he reaches you and you weakly push him away.

"I thought after me hitting him. After your mom and friends knowing. After being publicly outted youd never want to see me again" he says.

"So instead of talking to me about it. You make all of my decisions for me?" You challenge.

"No. No that's not it. Everything I've done has been for you" he says.

You continue to cry. You're holding him at arms length. 

"Angel breathe" he says holding the arm that was outstretched. 

"I can't' you yell again.

"I can't breathe without you. I cant think. I cant eat. I can't do anything without you" 

He looks shocked.

"This cant be a surprise to you" you add.

"It is" he says.

"Why?' You ask.

Because I don't deserve you to feel that way about me" he says.

"Stop it!!!"  
"Just stop it"  
"Whether you feel you deserve it or not is irrelevant"  
"I feel it"  
"I feel it so deeply it hurts" you cant stop crying.

"I feel it too" he says.

You shake your head no.

"I do"  
"I do"  
"Y/N" he says.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I caused a scene. I'm sorry for anything I have ever done that's made you feel like I wont die without you. Because I would. I would die" he tells you and forces you into his arms.

You sob into him.

"Take me home" you say.

"Ok" he looks disappointed.

"No. I mean your home" you clarify.

He takes you to his car and drives you to his home. The car ride is silent. Your phone goes off a few times and you read your messages. The girls texted to say they support you if you want to be with the hot teacher. You laugh lightly. He looks over to read what they've sent. Casper texts you to apologise and says itll be hard but he can try and get used to it.

When you spoke to your mom on the field. Before running out to chase Kylo. She'd told you she would always be there for you and no matter what you decided to do she would always love and protect you.

You wouldn't call it a blessing exactly but it was as good as you could ask for.

You arrived at his and your tears had dried up but stained your face.

He led you inside and offered you a bath. You declined just wanting to lay down. So he took you to his room and lay down with you.

"What do you want me to do angel?" He was desperate.

You shrug your shoulders not knowing. 

"You said your mom and Paul are done yes?" He asks as he holds you to his chest.

You nod.

"Yeah" you say weakly.

"Is your mom leaving town?" He asks.

"We don't know. We're either going to rent somewhere here or leave before next term" you say.

"Do you want me to come with you? If you leave?" He asks.

"You would ?" You ask.

"Of course" he says.

"And you'll stay if I stay?" You ask. 

"Yes I'll stay if you stay" he clarifies.

"So we can still be together?" You look up into his eyes.

"Yes my angel. We will be together no matter what. I will never let you go again" he says and kisses you.

"Why?" You ask.

"Because I love you" he says not looking away from you.

You smile and say...

"I love you too"


End file.
